Ask Addy Vol. 1

addyEach month we will feature student-submitted questions or problems answered for you in incredibly colorful detail by everyone’s best friend with an adderall prescription, Addy.

Dear Addy,
My girlfriend lives in Gallagher, and I live in Kiewit.  Any advice on how to get her into my dorm room at night without getting caught?
Turnt-up on K-Two

Dear Turnt,
I have snuck into more than a few dorms in my day.  First off, the the thing you need to know, and it blows my mind how many guys overlook this part, is that you gotta do your homework.  I mean, if there are secret ways into the dorm, you just gotta take the time to find them, exploit them, and then play dumb if you get caught – just like Harry Potter, man.

Next – and this can be the tricky part – you gotta pick a good time to find and exploit said passageways.  There was this one time I snuck into Gallagher by walking in during a fire drill and let me tell you, it was smooth sailing from there – like, wicked easy.  I mean honestly, I cannot think of a better time to wander around restricted areas of campus than between 2-4 am on a Monday or Tuesday morning.  I can almost always be found getting some fresh air on the Old Gym roof when Orgo starts kicking my ass around 2 am after the ‘brary closes.

Here’s the real pro tip (and keep this between us), but if you haven’t tried it yet, I highly recommend the ID drop – the thing is, this only works if you have a reasonably accessible area underneath your window or balcony.  When your girlfriend wants to sneak in, find someone with a faded ID that lives in your building and toss that little devil out the window.  With a keen eye and a good flashlight app on her phone, your girl will be breaking those pesky parietal hours in no time.

No questions. No problems. Oh, and have fun telling your roommate to hit the NZ.