Fraternity fad plagues finals week
The Creighton Student Union announced immediate changes to the campus dress code Tuesday in wake of the most recent Chubbies outbreak. The rule changes were voted into effect just days after Omaha remained at comfortable Chubby-wearing temperatures for consecutive days in a row at the start of finals week.
“I saw the first pair on Monday, and at first I assumed that those would be the only pair I saw. That same day by noon, I could barely make it down the mall without having my eyes burned out of their sockets by the unsightly displays of leg hair and ghostly white upper-thighs around campus.” Kreft said.
By Wednesday, Chubbies had reached a full scale epidemic forcing unfamiliar students into their dorm rooms for shelter. While some were brave enough to venture out of their halls to make it to their final examinations, others simply couldn’t fathom the possibility of seeing a single Chubby more.
“I tried to make it to the elevator. But they were everywhere! When I close my eyes and I can still picture the leg hair. How do boys have that much leg hair. WHY DON’T THEY SHAVE LIKE US” said one anonymous freshman girl, so traumatized by the experience she missed half her finals.
“At first it was just the freshman girls. But slowly as the week wore on, we started getting more sophomores, juniors and seniors. With the help of Public Safety Officer #12 and the CUPS we were able to safely evacuate the dorms,” said Red Cross Volunteer Sergio Lampard.
The rule change, which CSU says is immediate, states that no males are allowed to wear shorts that are shorter than 6 inches above the knee. Any students seen in shorts that are above the requires length will be sent home and face immediate disciplinary action.