New floodlight provides direction for lost freshman, thwarts crime on mall

A new gigantic floodlight was recently installed on the southeast area of the Humanities Building lawn in order to direct and lure lost freshman towards a more central area of campus closer to where they might actually reside.

The Administration hoped that the new light would primarily act as a large indicator of exactly which end of campus is which, to avoid confusion for some of the freshman who are still having difficulty navigating campus late into the school year.

“If you are lost and happen to be walking down the mall, all you need to do in order to discern east from west is look for our new spotlight indicator,” University Buildings & Infrastructure Manager Hank Studebaker said.


The new spotlight positioned on the Humanities Building lawn (CreightOnion Photo)

Besides directing the majority of the freshman class back to their dorms in Kiewit and Gallagher, The floodlight also provides proper lighting for the centrally located area of the mall that would otherwise be subject to heinous crimes that can only be carried out under the cover of darkness.

“We’ve seen that area of the mall become an increasingly dangerous part of campus in the past few years.  Everything from petty theft to drug use became rampant in the centrally located part of campus that the new floodlight now illuminates,” Public Safety Officer #12 said.

The university is looking into erecting similarly gigantic floodlights around other areas of campus that are equally as dangerous.